17 Apr 2020
People believe different things for different reasons angerufen; what is real for one may not be real for another. Do Zombies really exist? One might think with my fascination of the undead I would believe they do, but is my definition of a zombie the same as yours?
Do I think corpses literally rise from the dead only to become mindless carnivores that seek to eat living, breathing, human beings? No. Do I believe that some living people are dead on the inside and exhibit parasitic behavior by “feeding” on the lives and emotions of those around them? Yes, I do.
Do Ghosts and Demons really exist? Are the thousands of people who believe they do - claim they have seen them - all crazy? Or are their minds merely open to the possibility while the unbelievers remain closed, inhibiting their ability to see….
Do you believe in ghosts?
Oren Peli’s Paranormal Activity 2009
Don’t kid yourself into going to see Paranormal Activity thinking it’s based on actual events. Though the opening credits will lead you to believe it is, it is not.
It is a fictional story created and directed by newcomer Oren Peli, much in the same fashion as that of The Blair Witch Project (and while the Blair Witch Project was made with a meager $11,000, Paranormal Activity was made with an equally meager $15,000.)
I think for someone who does not believe in ghosts or possession, Paranormal Activity is a movie they should probably skip seeing. The buildup of fear this movie creates is only effective if one has the willingness to believe in the possibility. Anything short of that makes for a boring couple of hours.
I myself have always believed in ghosts and possession. Quite frankly the possession side of it terrifies me which is why I have never been able to watch the Exorcist in its entirety. Well, either that or the crucifix thing, but my point is that I tend to stay away from serious movies involving possession. So why did I want to see Paranormal Activity? Who knows. But I am sure my willingness to believe in such things is probably going to cause me some restless (and most likely sleepless) nights for weeks to come after seeing this one.
Paranormal Activity is the story of Katie (played by newcomer Katie Featherston) and Micah (played by newcomer Micah Sloat), a young couple just starting out. It seems Katie has been hearing strange noises and seeing strange things in their new home, and much to Micah’s dismay, consults with a psychic for help in stopping the events. We learn Katie has had a demon trailing her rather silently since she was 8 years old, and if she wants it to remain dormant then she need not do anything to antagonize it. The psychic strongly suggests consulting an actual demonologist, which Micah adamantly refuses to do.
So for duration of the movie, Micah takes “control” of the situation by recording the events taking place in their home in an attempt to determine what it is they are dealing with. The events initially happen only at night and seem minor enough: lights flipping off and on; sounds of footsteps; doors moving and subsequently slamming, but it’s not enough for Micah. He wants more than just slamming doors and he wants it on tape. Not understanding the seriousness of Katie’s “haunting,” Micah ignores the psychic’s warnings and instigates confrontation with the unseen intruder; taunting it; daring it to be more evident. His typical male ego tells him he can handle the outcome, no matter what it is, without having to concede to an exorcism.
300.ParanormalActivity.cmUnfortunately Micah’s actions are not without serious consequence as the nightly recordings show Katie being physically touched, bitten, and even possessed by the entity (although the two do not acknowledge it as a possession.) The events become more frequent, happening in the daytime as well, until the unthinkable becomes the young couple’s inevitable reality.
Paranormal Activity focused on all the elements that freak me out: spirits, demons, and possession. To top it off, they threw in a Ouija Board. Now anyone who has any real belief or fear in the spirit world knows the Ouija Board spells bad news. It’s the ultimate portal for allowing the supernatural entrance to your world. Call me stupid, but there is no way in hell I am having one of those things in my house so some evil thing can screw with me. Why tempt fate? Sure some people have had Ouija Boards in their homes for years with no consequence, but guaranteed I would be the exception and I won’t take the risk of proving myself right.
While Paranormal Activity was not laden with excessive scare tactics or even much excitement (as it is seen mostly through the lens of a video camera), the tension that builds from scene one is filled with expectation. Enough so that this viewer at least was held captive until the very (although somewhat foreseen) ending.
The Effectiveness of Paranormal Activity
Unfortunately Paranormal Activity wasn’t wit]hhout holes and it’s these little holes (namely missing video footage) that confirm that Paranormal Activity is not based on actual events, and cause the movie to lose some of its effectiveness.
The ending of the movie was probably the biggest hole and the one part of the movie that caused me to leave the theater feeling somewhat cheated. (Click on this link if you want to see what that hole is but do so only if you do not care that I will reveal the movie’s ending!)
Did I Miss Something?
I was so pumped to see this movie. And while I am glad I did as I still found it to be a very good movie, it wasn’t a great movie. I tell myself the director was aiming for a feel of reality which doesn’t usually involve projectile vomit or spinning heads, and I completely respect that he held true to the realism - but something’s just….. missing. I hate to say it but it just didn’t scare me enough.
Maybe I will watch it again when it’s released on DVD - alone in my creaky house with all the lights out late at night. I bet then I’d be so scared I’d rather pee my pants then get up to walk through the dark to the bathroom. THAT’S how I was hoping to be scared…. guess I will just have to wait and see.
07 Mar 2020
What do you get when you put a no name actor is a black rubber suit and slather him in black colored oily goo? The alien in a really bad cheesy 80’s flick telefonni cislo.
What do you get when you take those 5 naked bimbos and throw them into an alien vat of watered down body lotion designed to look like alien semen so they can lather themselves up repeatedly on camera? Cheap and tawdry thrills of a really bad cheesy 80’s flick.
And what do you call a really bad cheesy 80’s flick with all the above ridiculous elements? You call it one of director’s Tim Kincaid’s contributions to the world of B movies.
You call it Breeders.
breedersAhh, what a tasty delight! The acting was horrid, the main characters were all lacking in expression (obviously reciting memorized lines), and everything was so blatantly staged! One scene in particular was of a woman who had just come home from work and proceeded to undress while talking to her mother on the phone, stressing that yes, she was still a “good girl” (translation: still a virgin.) After hanging up, a man “breaks” in to her apartment (more like strolls in from around the corner) wielding a rather small steak knife, throws her on the bed she just happens to be standing by, and instructs her of how she and he are going to get naked and get their groove on. The whole time she is just staring at him, looking as though she is eagerly anticipating the moment when he jumps on her. She says nothing to him at all and just lays there. But then rubber oiled alien guy walks in and attacks the intruder. THAT is when she beings to scream. I am thinking she is screaming because the alien robbed her of her forced tryst with the knife guy, but I think the director’s objective was to have us think she was screaming because a scary bad alien showed up out of nowhere.
Now what female do you know is going to lay silently while some guy breaks into her home with the intention of raping her? I sure as hell wouldn’t. I’d be screaming my head off and running as fast as my feet could carry me, alien or not! Not this chippy with really bad tan lines and small boobs though. No sir’ee!
On a side note I think I should warn you to take a look at the director of this film, Tim Kincaid. In case you decide to watch this film, you should know that Tim was apparently big in directing soft core and adult gay porn. In the 80’s he tried to go “straight” by getting married to a woman of all things, and took a hiatus from the gay world. He directed a couple of really B naked chick flicks, Breeders being one of them (worry not; his attempt to go straight was short lived, as was his marriage.)
I mention this bit of trivia simply to give you a heads up that there are a number of sexual references and suggestions, as well as lots of gratuitous boob shots, tush shots, and the occasional flash of bush. Definitely B, and definitely more nudity than is required.
breeder9So anyway these 5 chicks just all happen to be virgins (and in the 80’s of all decades - go figure) and end up raped by the oily alien. Only for the most part, they do not know their attacker is an alien until after the assault has begun. See this alien takes over the bodies of men it encounters so as to get close to the young virgins, but but ends up shedding the bodies in a heap of gelatinous goop when he gets hot and bothered, and I must confess that the graphics used to portray this shedding was rather impressive, especially for the 80’s.
And of course all these young victimized virgins coincidentally all end up in the same hospital to be treated by the same (and rather expressionless) doctor who - get this - is also a virgin! What are the odds?!
Then of course we are introduced to the almost equally expressionless detective on the case who looks as though he couldn’t catch a wingless fly with broken legs. Ironically he looks somewhat like Andrew McCarthy in Pretty in Pink. Now how in the hell did I ever think he was cute??
Soon detective man and virgin doctor woman are hot on the case and find themselves at the heart of it all in the tunnels underneath the City of New York. It’s here that we learn the alien is trying to father offspring in the form of the uber human. Unfortunately however oily alien thing has not been so successful as evidenced by his first and only offspring thus far. OMG what a thing his kid is! And such a hoot! It looked like a Venus Flytrap on acid.
alien babyBut the best part is when the detective goes on attack. He unloads about 5 or 6 rounds from his little .38 into the alien child but doesn’t even phase it. He resorts to striking the mongoloid little thing with the hilt of his gun and still cannot phase it. Virgin doctor chick (who has been standing by twiddling her thumbs during the whole ordeal) decides to get involved by taking a stick and hitting the alien child in the head. Get this now - the alien goes down!!! Ohh wow! I was laughing so hard at this point. Bullets slamming into it does not phase the alien offspring, but one hit on the neck with a stick and he’s down for the count. WOW - did I mention this movie was classic B???
Fans of movies such as 1985’s The Stuff and 1988’s The Blob will certainly appreciate the brilliant cheesiness of this movie. And if you’re not careful, you might even find yourself enjoying it. I know I did. I cannot wait to watch it again!
22 Feb 2020
Even though I love teenage angst movies and movies involving the “unearthly” I must confess, I was hesitant to see the movie Twilight. I have not read the books, however I have picked them up time and again over the last couple years with idle curiosity. I chose not to read them as I had the impression the books were mostly about a sappy teenage love story featuring a vampire and not really offering any blood and guts telefonne cislo.
Based on the movie, I’d say I was right.
But in it’s defense, Twilight is more than just a sappy teenage love story. Twilight is a sappy teenage love story with a back story of vampires, and potentially werewolves, and an inevitable battle between the two - apparently to be seen in future installments. If you are expecting to see any of it in Twilight, this movie will surely disappoint you.
Fans of Sookie Stackhouse should really like this one though, and as well of course, silly female teenagers looking for love in all the wrong places. This is evidenced by the droves of female teenagers flocking the theaters who giggled unashamedly throughout the whole thing. I confess that I too giggled, as it was really cute to witness.
twilight-castTwilight is the first in a series of teen books by author Stephanie Meyer that tells the story of Bella, a mere mortal junior in high school who left her mom and Arizona, to come to live with her dad for awhile. It takes no time at all for her to become captivated by Edward - the aloof and seemingly unapproachable adopted son of local doctor (and apparently rich doctor) Carlisle Cullen.
The entire Cullen family is mysterious and drooled over by the students of Forks, Washington, a town where sunlight is rare, and rain and cloudiness prevail. For this reason, no one seems to question the excessive paleness of the Cullens, as most of Forks residents are without suntans. Oddly, they also do not question why the Cullens never seem to be around on the rare instance sunshine actually does grace their little town.
See, the residents of Forks, Washington have no idea what the Cullen’s really are, but newcomer Bella figures it out easy enough. Rather quickly she decides, rather matter-of-factly even, that hot little Edward is a vamp, although he adamantly claims that his family is of the kinder and gentler vampires who do not feed on humans (as “others” of their kind do.) Apparently the Cullen’s have trained themselves to survive on the blood of animals even though the longing for human blood is always present and it’s best that Bella “not forget that.” I guess knowing that she is not intended to be Edward’s lunch should offer her enough comfort so that getting hot and heavy with him isn’t of concern…..
Themes range from a mysterious pattern of killings to who’s-going-to-wear-what-dress to the school’s eagerly anticipated big dance. Will the “others” (the human blood-swilling vampires) strike Bella and her family? Will Bella’s friend Angela get enough guts to ask nerdy Eric out on a date? Oh the troubles of a high school teen!
“Twilight” also offers new theories to the mystery of vampires, most notably that they are not creatures confined to the night. Actually, they are able to go out in daylight but in doing so
become rather “glittery.” Onscreen the delivery is that they look like they have been coated from head to toe with fairy dust. Weird, and not at all as scary as vampires are usually portrayed to be.
Additionally, the bad guy (and gal) vampires of Twilight do not come across any tougher than your average class bully, however they can run really really fast. Perhaps the objective for this effect was to offer a more menacing feel for the blood suckers. You tell me.
While I must confess I did enjoy Twilight, I have to say that on the flip side, I was not as enamored with it as younger crowds have obviously been. Perhaps I am too old, and the teen thing is finally losing its appeal for me. I tend to think that it is due to Twilight not being gruesome or campy enough. Maybe the budget was too big and I need more of a B feel…. who knows? I just know that it did not leave me salivating for the sequel.
I am sure I will watch Twilight’s Sequel though. After all, it’s what I do….
10 Feb 2020
You know - I watch some pretty f’ed up movies all in the name of classic B. Throw in a couple zombies and I don’t care if it is the equivalent of Z - I’m gonna watch Art Visa Bulgaria.
Needless to say I watch a lot of shit movies.
So the one that was today’s selection was Donald Farmer’s Dorm of the Dead. My husband and I are convinced that we could easily go to Best Buy, purchase a hand held video camera, get a couple (or 5) of my girlfriends to run around in front of the camera topless while chewing on some ketchup packets in an attempt to mimic blood, and come up with a decidedly more impressive zombie movie than this one.
Where do I even start? Dorm of the Dead starts out with the typical gratuitous boob shots b-boobs(although small boobs; no “falsies” here, so lacking to say the least.) We are introduced to zombies pretty much from the word “action” but they are soooo……. Zombie Walkish. Meaning the zombies look like your neighbor dressed up for Halloween, and NOTHING like real zombies (think Quarantine or even Diary of the Dead.) In other words, the zombies of Dorm of the Dead were not at all convincing or scary.
After about the first 10-15 minutes of boobs and zombies, we have a lesbian tryst that lasts almost 5 boring minutes. I say boring because the same scene practically repeats itself over and over. Needless to say I fast forwarded through this part to try and alleviate my boredom from the monotony (my husband did not protest as he himself had fallen asleep from boredom by this point.)
The actual concept of Dorm of the Dead had potential but was lost quickly in the horrid acting and equally horrid filming. Combining Haitian voodooism with undead lore, Dorm of the Dead was both unrealistic and unbelievably moldy (I dare not say cheesy in the event you might think I was granting props to this poor excuse of a film.)
Sadly I did sort of see some potential in the main character Sarah, played by Ciara Richards, but being as the script was so completely lame, I doubt anyone would notice unless they were fervently searching for it. Poor thing will probably never have a future in acting as a result….
Dorm of the Dead is the story of Sarah, a goth chick inundated with bad luck, that becomes the target of bitchy sorority chick Clare (played by Jackey Hall, who’s acting was beyond lame although her southern accent kept thinking my niece did her voice over.)
So how does Clare attack? Well that’s the fun part. See, one of their college professors just happens to have zombie blood that he picked up while in Haiti two years before. He shares this information with the class who does not believe him. So he decides to experiment and who better to experiment on than a student whom he happens to be sleeping with that threatens to tell his wife (unless he leaves her which he has zero intention of doing.) So he stabs his little play toy with some zombie blood, thereby sealing her fate of becoming one.
In a typical B chain of events, Clare manages to position herself in a situation where the professor gives her his vial of zombie blood (too bad it doesn’t help save his life.) She then manages to pour it down the throat of a sleeping Sarah.
Being a zombie in and of itself really isn’t that big of a problem. The problem starts when the zombie gets hungry because the only thing that satiates their hunger is feasting on human flesh. And the only problem with feasting on human flesh (aside from the fact that it’s illegal and unsanitary) is that the people who are only partially eaten end up becoming zombies themselves.
You can see where I am going with this, right??
dorm of the dead
Dorm of the Dead really offers nothing of substance to bite into (literally) and tries to scare, or gross out, the viewer with the visual effects which are amateurish and well, just plain stupid. For example, the director liked focusing on the visual of the zombie eating and chewing flesh. I am not sure what they used to give the appearance of flesh (fatback maybe?) but it fell dramatically short. One particular scene tried to create the effect of a victims innards, but it was obviously just ketchup covered spaghetti.
Can you say lame??
Fans of the Hood of the Living Dead (which was actually worse than this one if you can believe it, but surprisingly gets 3/10 stars from IMDB) will definitely like this one, especially with the amount of boob shots offered up. However anyone who prefers to watch a movie with a skoche of zombie merit may want to avoid Dorm of the Dead like the plague. After all, IMDB giving this movie a whooping 2/10 stars should have been a clue had I looked it up before wasting my time.
But then again, it’s one of those movies that is so awful you just have to watch until the end. It’s almost like you are cheating yourself out of something forbidden if you don’t……
…. yeh. That’s the ticket!
(I hate to admit it but I can’t wait to see Donald Farmer’s next venture entitled Chainsaw Cheerleaders. After all, who doesn’t just love power tools and boobs?!?!)