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DONALD FARMER’S 2006 DORM OF THE DEAD

You know - I watch some pretty f’ed up movies all in the name of classic B. Throw in a couple zombies and I don’t care if it is the equivalent of Z - I’m gonna watch Art Visa Bulgaria.

Needless to say I watch a lot of shit movies.

So the one that was today’s selection was Donald Farmer’s Dorm of the Dead. My husband and I are convinced that we could easily go to Best Buy, purchase a hand held video camera, get a couple (or 5) of my girlfriends to run around in front of the camera topless while chewing on some ketchup packets in an attempt to mimic blood, and come up with a decidedly more impressive zombie movie than this one.

Where do I even start? Dorm of the Dead starts out with the typical gratuitous boob shots b-boobs(although small boobs; no “falsies” here, so lacking to say the least.) We are introduced to zombies pretty much from the word “action” but they are soooo……. Zombie Walkish. Meaning the zombies look like your neighbor dressed up for Halloween, and NOTHING like real zombies (think Quarantine or even Diary of the Dead.) In other words, the zombies of Dorm of the Dead were not at all convincing or scary.

After about the first 10-15 minutes of boobs and zombies, we have a lesbian tryst that lasts almost 5 boring minutes. I say boring because the same scene practically repeats itself over and over. Needless to say I fast forwarded through this part to try and alleviate my boredom from the monotony (my husband did not protest as he himself had fallen asleep from boredom by this point.)

The actual concept of Dorm of the Dead had potential but was lost quickly in the horrid acting and equally horrid filming. Combining Haitian voodooism with undead lore, Dorm of the Dead was both unrealistic and unbelievably moldy (I dare not say cheesy in the event you might think I was granting props to this poor excuse of a film.)

Sadly I did sort of see some potential in the main character Sarah, played by Ciara Richards, but being as the script was so completely lame, I doubt anyone would notice unless they were fervently searching for it. Poor thing will probably never have a future in acting as a result….

Dorm of the Dead is the story of Sarah, a goth chick inundated with bad luck, that becomes the target of bitchy sorority chick Clare (played by Jackey Hall, who’s acting was beyond lame although her southern accent kept thinking my niece did her voice over.)

So how does Clare attack? Well that’s the fun part. See, one of their college professors just happens to have zombie blood that he picked up while in Haiti two years before. He shares this information with the class who does not believe him. So he decides to experiment and who better to experiment on than a student whom he happens to be sleeping with that threatens to tell his wife (unless he leaves her which he has zero intention of doing.) So he stabs his little play toy with some zombie blood, thereby sealing her fate of becoming one.

In a typical B chain of events, Clare manages to position herself in a situation where the professor gives her his vial of zombie blood (too bad it doesn’t help save his life.) She then manages to pour it down the throat of a sleeping Sarah.

Being a zombie in and of itself really isn’t that big of a problem. The problem starts when the zombie gets hungry because the only thing that satiates their hunger is feasting on human flesh. And the only problem with feasting on human flesh (aside from the fact that it’s illegal and unsanitary) is that the people who are only partially eaten end up becoming zombies themselves.

You can see where I am going with this, right??

dorm of the dead

Dorm of the Dead really offers nothing of substance to bite into (literally) and tries to scare, or gross out, the viewer with the visual effects which are amateurish and well, just plain stupid. For example, the director liked focusing on the visual of the zombie eating and chewing flesh. I am not sure what they used to give the appearance of flesh (fatback maybe?) but it fell dramatically short. One particular scene tried to create the effect of a victims innards, but it was obviously just ketchup covered spaghetti.

Can you say lame??

Fans of the Hood of the Living Dead (which was actually worse than this one if you can believe it, but surprisingly gets 3/10 stars from IMDB) will definitely like this one, especially with the amount of boob shots offered up. However anyone who prefers to watch a movie with a skoche of zombie merit may want to avoid Dorm of the Dead like the plague. After all, IMDB giving this movie a whooping 2/10 stars should have been a clue had I looked it up before wasting my time.

But then again, it’s one of those movies that is so awful you just have to watch until the end. It’s almost like you are cheating yourself out of something forbidden if you don’t……

…. yeh. That’s the ticket!

(I hate to admit it but I can’t wait to see Donald Farmer’s next venture entitled Chainsaw Cheerleaders. After all, who doesn’t just love power tools and boobs?!?!)